I'm Going on Hiatus || taking a break

Hi Everyone!

I don't even really feel like a happy excited introduction to this post, so hi, I need to talk to you all and I hope you don't get bored by how long and repetitive this post is. 

Recently, I've been feeling less and less motivated to blog. Writing reviews feels like a chore and attempting to write something just makes me waste time because I distract myself researching something or looking at YouTube videos. I wanted to talk about a bunch of random stuff today and so I'm writing this post.

It's been since I came back from my holiday over Easter, that I've been only just staying afloat with blog posts, writing it just a day or two before it's posted, whereas I used to have posts scheduled weeks in advance because I was so inspired and motivated to write. 

Part of me thinks I'm a bit out of practice because even before Easter, I hadn't written anything for ages because I'd pre-scheduled everything. But I'm just not feeling it as much at the moment. 

I'm in Year 9, which is still a long way from exams, but I do have a lot of work to do at the moment, especially as we are getting closer to the end of the year. This is true, but it became a bit of an excuse too because I managed fine before by pre-scheduling everything. I've just been a bit reluctant to write, and that's scary to admit because my blog is doing better than ever, but I'm not keeping up! 

I don't ever want blogging to be a chore, and yet that is what it's become. I still love my blog and the space I've created, but I'm not feeling as passionate about it as I once was. I've been contemplating going on hiatus and I think it is what will happen. This makes me so, so sad because I never thought it would come to this. But blogging is becoming stressful, on top of school, and everything else that's happening in my life. 

The thing that makes me most scared about doing this, is that I don't want to lose the hard work I've done over the last six months and the hours I've poured into spreading the word about my blog and making it what it is now. There are so many of you that I appreciate so much and I don't want to lose you or for people to be disappointed in me. 

But I do need to take a break. Words aren't coming as easily to me as they once did and I have a ton of half written posts in my drafts that I don't have the words to finish. I thought this year was going to be my year for blogging and growing my platform, and so far, it really has! I've tried so hard and I will carry on. 

I will be back, I really will. I will still be writing behind the scenes, preparing posts for my return, but without the pressure of posting every week multiple times. I have thought about lowering posting days but I have too many ideas and things that I want to post about and ultimately that isn't the problem. It's just the way that I am and what my priorities are and how I'm feeling at the moment. 

I don't want to bury myself in too much schoolwork and that's why this was such a special place to me, because I could escape for a while, but it's become something that gives me just as much stress as schoolwork, which is never what I wanted it to be. 

I feel so sad. So devastated that it's come to this but honestly I'm struggling to keep up with everything and I can't carry on like this. My blog is no longer a space I want to spend my life living in, and I wish that wasn't the case. I wish I could go back to the beginning of the year when I was totally obsessed with blogging and all I wanted to do was write and scream about books. 

I feel so honoured that you have joined me in this journey, and maybe it won't be too long until I'm back....we'll have to wait and see. I don't want to force it and so I'll be back when I feel motivated and inspired and hopefully when I want to write a lot again. 

I can't tell you how upset I am to be writing this right now. I promise I'll be back. 

I am sending you all the biggest virtual hug and I hope to be back soon. I don't want to give myself a date because I don't want to put pressure on myself, but I'll hopefully write a bit this summer and get back into it then.  Thank you for all your support, I can't express how thankful I am for all of your messages and bookish love. 

How are you doing? See you soon everyone.

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